When You Get What You...
by Sage
Summary: My sequel to The Buds excellent fic, When You Get What You Wished For. This is a walk through Jeans thoughts of her relation ship with Wolverine.


Disclaimer: This is Sage, NOT The Bud. So the characters nor the story are mine, the characters belong to Marvel, and the basis of the story belongs to The Bud. However since The Bud is such a internet friendly author, I did this. Muchas gracias to The Bud/"Dont ask, just do."/ again.  
  
Hasta Luego,  
  
Sage.  
  


**When You Get What You...  
(Jean's Thoughts)**  


  
  
It happened last night. It just happened. I dont know if it should have happened, but I dont regret it. Its been years since I'd been intimate with ANYONE. I mean other than Scott I have never been with another soul, and even with him it didnt happen often, I could count the times that we had been intimate with my fingers. Well thats not EXACTLY true. I did save my self for marriege, so had Scott with Maddie, but in OUR marriege, we had not been intimate. Technecally I was only married to Scott for 2 and a half years, but do to some circumstances, I was with him for 14 and a half years. I remember as we made our way to our honeymoon, we were taken to the future to raise Scotts and Madilynes son Nathan. I had absorbed Madies memorys along with the Phoenix's so I loved, love Nathan like a mother loves her son. We stayed in the future for 12 wonderful years, were Scott and I were put into other peoples bodys, Slimm and Redd. For the first few years, when we werent looking after Nathan, we were going at it like wild rabbits...Oh my, I cant believe I said that, well I always think this way when Im around Logan...Well for those first few years we were VERY intimate, however like most couples after those initial first years, we lost our *spark.* The love was still there, as strong if not stronger than any other relationship, but the *spark* was gone. When we returned to our time, although technacally it had been a very short time, to us we had been married for 12 years and our minds reacted as such. Then for the next 2 and a half years, we didn't have much time to be intimate, I mean I tried to make time, but Scott was always either to frustrated tired, or too busy, and vice versa, it wasnt easy leading half of the worlds premier mutant team, I knew that, so I expected such and it didnt really bother me.  
  
Then, two years ago, it happened. It was a routine mission, against the 'Friends of Humanity.' Since it wasnt against a threat as big as Apocalypse, Magneto, or Mr. Sinister, we were stupid enough to let our guard down. The Gold team, my team, was captured and it was up to the Blue team, Scotts...and Logans team, to rescue us. Then it happened. While Scott and the rest of the team keeped the F.o.H. busy, Logan came and free'd us. So the battle began, we, the Gold team, were still weak, but fought nonetheless. In my weakness I didnt see it coming, it was just a young hoodlum, he was aiming at me and would have shot me had it not been for Logan tackleing me. Scott must have known, because he closed our mind-link. I dont know how, maybe through the years a little bit of me rubbed off on him, because some how he knew it was over for him, other wise he would never have shut down our mind-link, wich ended up saving my life, I would have surely died if we were still connected. Because Logan tackled me, also saving my life, the bullette went straight to Scott's head, ending his life as quickly as Logan ended MY attackers. No one knew about Scott at the moment, it was too chaotic, I didnt even notice the closing of our mind-link. I felt the emotion from Logan, some one had tried to kill me, so his animal side arous and he killed the assalent of his "mate." Logan and I had never been intimate, but his animal side saw me as just that, his "mate." And just like a rabid wolf, Logan lashed out at whoever tried to hurt his "mate." Suddenly I heard Ororo yell, I'll never forget it.   
  
"By the Goddess!! Cyclops, no!"  
  
I turned and saw what caught Ororo's eye, it was Scott, with a bullet in his head, and sorounded by a pool of blood...THEY KILLED HIM!! A common THUG!! I was devistated and I lashed out. In one quick thought, I destroyed them. ANY mind that I didn't recognize, I DESTROYED. A shreak of agony, such as those that Logan brought to men who he killed, was heard from every F.o.H. member. In an instant they were all dead, and I wished I was too. I fainted and was picked up very gently by a pair of strong arms and hands, whoever it was felt incredibely guilty, thats all I remembered before totally passing out, I later learned that it was Logan. I awoke two weeks later, and the mansion was filled with an overwhelming amount of depression. I guess I had what one could call selective amnesia, as I acted as though nothing happened. When I awoke I noticed that someone was sitting next to my bed in the med-lab. The depression came most from him. Thinking it was Scott I grabbed the man by the back of the neck and tried to give him a kiss, only to find that his mouth didn't open, so my eyes did. It was Logan who was waiting at my bedside. I remember turning red with embarrassment and asked.  
  
"Wheres Scott?"  
  
Logan looked at me the way only he could with those intense eyes, wich were filled with sarrow. He looked and said horsely and in a low tone.  
  
"Jean..."  
  
I felt his depression and his guilt and asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
I guess inside me I knew what had happened, because I responded by saying.  
  
"Oh he must be on a mission, okay."  
  
Logan looked at me confused, but must have realiased that what I was doing, he carressed the back of my hand and said reasuringly.  
  
"Thats right Darlin, he said to take care of ya till then, so if you need anything, dont hesitate to ask, alright?"  
  
I looked at Logan and noded my head. He got up and gently kissed my forhead and left, to tell the others what had happened.  
  
After some time I came to reason that Scott was truly dead. I replayed the entire event time and time again until I found out what happened. It was a simple routine mistake, the kind that Scott always warned us about. We underestimated the situation, Scott underestimated the situation. It was ironic that of all of us, he was the one to die because of such a simple reason. I first placed the blame on him. I was angry at him for leaving me, then I placed the blame on my self, for having been so weak, then I did something that I still feel terrible about, I lashed out at Logan. I used him as the scapegoat, I blamed him. If he hadnt moved me out of the way, Scott would still be here. If he had payed attention to Scott all along and listened to him as he should have, he would have been prepared for this, if he wasnt so jealous of Scott he would have learned from Scott and Scott would still be alive. Then the worst, I started to think that Logan did it on purpose. He wanted to get Scott killed, he wanted his "mate" so bad that he killed his competitor, he pulled the trigger, why he could have easily taken the shot himself, he wouldnt die, his healing factor would save him, infact the bullette wouldn't stand a chance against his adamantium laced skull, he knew that, he knew that by moving me the bullete would kill Scott! I thought all of that, all the while Logan served me as if I was a queen and he was a simple commoner. I hate my self for what I thought and how I acted towards him. Every time that Logan did something for me, I didn't even aknowledge him. I could feel his heart break each time, for two years I did this, for two years I felt his sarrow and thought *Thats what he deserves for what he did.* However he always stayed on my side, even when the team fought over the way I was treating him. Kitty and Jubilee first noticed, and being his sorragate daughters they came to his defense immediatly. Cable and Nate came to my side, then the team actually split in two during a danger room workout, half on my side, half on Logans side. It was never shown that we had split, and most of them probably didn't notice the split, but a psy of my magnitude could FEEL the split, there was anger behind each attack, and the thing was that whenever someone attacked me for how I acted towards Logan, Logan moved me out of the way taking the hit himself. He had become my own human shield, even in actual missions. After awhile I knew I was wrong, so I apologized to Logan the only way I could think of. One day he brought me my morning coffee, while I still lay in bed, as he always did. So I thanked him. I will never forget his expression, he was surprised, and even more than that he was incredibly happy. Having seen how he felt, how glad he was that I "forgave him" I broke down into tears, realizing how wrong I had been. I felt Logan once again get very depressed at seeing me cry. He cautiosly stepped toward me, I then took his arm and he sat on the bed and I cried on his shoulder for the remainder of the day, I let out all the emotions I had bottled up since Scotts death, and Logan just stayed, carressing my back and neck in a soothing way, helping me open up. He helped me, but again I lashed out, this time at his kindness, how could he just let me get away with what I did to him, no one would have just forgiven me, especially not some one who would kill another man on the drop of a hat, worse yet, he felt bad because I felt terrible, how could he be so understanding after everything I put him through. I yelled at him.  
  
"Leave me alone Logan! I dont...YOU dont deserve this!!!"  
  
"Jean, don't...plea..."  
  
"Get OUT!!"  
  
I would have had to telekenitecly throw Scott out, but Logan understood that I wanted, needed to mourn over everything that happend alone. As he left I telekeniticly slamed my bedroom door closed and in a small tantrum through my pillow at the door.  
  
After that day Logan left, presumably to Canada. He knew that I wanted to mourn on my own, and I knew that he couldnt just stay there and feel helpless.   
  
Two days ago he returned, we hadn't spoken yet, and just last night it happened. It was actually quite silly the way it happened, I love that memory alone. I was here, in the boat house cooking some ham and eggs while I heated up some of yesterdays Apple Pie in the oven. After that long cry I had come to terms with what happened and no longer mourned, I mean I still loved, love Scott, but I know that it was two years ago and I know that Scott would want me to move on. So I guess that my aurora was spread throughout the house. I didn't hear when Logan entered the house, I didn't even notice that he was right behind me. He must have felt my aurora of happiness, or else he would have never done what he did. As I still continued to cook the ham and eggs, Logan came behind me and gently grabbed the sides of my lower stomach and said.  
  
"Hello Red."  
  
I was startled and my right hand got burned. I started cursing him for having made me get burnt, trying to, but I dont think actually doing a good job of hiding my happiness of having him back with me. I guess that throughout the whole ordeal through the last two years the part of me that always loved Logan, just remained hidden getting closer to him, making me need him, thats probably why I never brought my self to physically hurt him. It was true, I always had loved Logan, ALMOST as much as I loved Scott, but I had history with Scott, wich gave him the edge. If I had met Logan before Scott, I'm sure I would have chosen him over Scott, had I met them both at the same time, well I just dont know what I would do then. But throughtout the last two years the part that loved Logan had grown, it was just subdued by my stupid need to blame someone. After I finished crying and mourning last week, I immediatly found my self thinking of Logan, at times breaking down into tears because of how I treated him for the last two years. So as I was cursing him for getting me burnt, wich really wasnt that bad, Logan was trying rather unsuccessfully to try to hide his laughter. He jokingly took my hand in his and placed a small kiss. I swear that that little gesture was just too much. Some people look at Logan as nothing more that a wild beast trapped in a mans body. Most people only see him when his either in or about to get into a berserker rage, but I have always known his ture self. He's no pretty boy, god save me if I or anyone else ever called him that but I love his uniqueness. Its the way he carries himself, the constant conflict of his inner soul. A man always seeking peace yet being dragged into constant battles, A man who is more beast than other men, but is at the same time more human than any other man, a lover of life and at the same time being forced into a machine of destruction. His eyes said it all, PASSION, passion for life, a flame burnt in those eyes brighter and stronger than the mightiest flame the Phoenix was able to create, it was his PASSION that brought out my PASSION, to me Logan was perfect, more so than ANY man or entety I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I was locked into those eyes as he kissed my hand, and my legs grew weak. Maybe it was his hyper sences that told him how I was feeling, or maybe it was the PASSION in my eyes that began to reflect, no...equal his own, a PASSION that I had kept subdued ever since my first traumatic ordeal.  
  
Logan KISSED me. And I KISSED him back. And we were engulfed in our passion. We didnt stop until we arrived at the bedroom, then thats when it began to happen. It was actually funny. We were both nervous, PHYSICALLY, it was my first time, however I knew for a fact that Logan was no novice, having been to Madripoor I learned much about Logans wild ordeals, including the fact that women of that country practically through themselves at the "Hero of Madripoor's" feet. However it was Logan who was the nervous one, he reminded me so much of ''Slimm'' the first time he and ''Redd'' were together, maybe a bit more nervous. I guess thats how I see it. Scott and I were a love of another life, a love that revolved around ''Slimm'' and ''Redd'', Logan and Jean, will be the love of this time. I dont know what his choice is, but I made my mind up, I love him. I had realised that he truly did care for me, not just as a animal cares for his mate, but as a spirit cares for its soul-mate. I still love Scott, and always will, Scott was a first love, and up until two years ago, my only true love, I needed someone like Scott at that time, just like he needed someone like me, we had both been through so much and lost so much, that when we met each other, and when we fell in love with each other, we didnt want to loose EACH other. I dont know what going to happen, Im ready for a new life, a family, a rebirth and I hope Logan is ready for the same. If I am the Phoenix, I want him to be the eternal flame that engulfs me, I love him, and if I have too I will wait.  
  
  
  
  
  
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Well there it is. I read the The Buds story and thought it was awsome, the ol' canuck finally got his chick(and in my opinion the hottest X-Chick of all!!). But, Im also a Jean fan and well quite frankly The Buds story left a lot of questions, wich is a good thing because some one else can follow it up. So I just started writting off the top my head just to see were it lead, and had the whole ordeal be seen through the vivacious red heads eyes. If any one wants to follow it up, feel free, but if you do I want to know whats going ta go down so that I can read it, oh and just a suggestion, if you plan on having them have a kid, make it a guy! Wolverines already had three "daughters" and know as good as the Fresh Prince know, Girls Are Nothing but Trouble(NOT Will Smith, theyre different people damn it! Will Smith is an alien who took over the Fresh Princes body! I got proof! Well okay so I dont have proof, but its the truth damn it!!) ! So give the guy a boy, that'd be pretty cool, a little canuck to kick every ones ass, itd be a Wolverine version mini-me!! Hasta Luego.  
  
  
**SageofAll@HotMail.comSageofAll@Excite.com**  
  
  



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